Jack Can't Cook

Jack can’t cook, Jack can’t cook
Jack can’t cook, Jack can’t cook
You can’t judge a story by the cover of a book
So don’t just Jack, 'cause Jack can’t cook
Jack can’t cook, so be built himself a diner
Where no one in the neighborhood thought it ought to be
Packs chant «crook,» so they built themselves a dummy
Of hungry old jack burnin up in effigy
Jack hates kids, so he married him a granny
Who jack knew wouldn’t have the land for his seed
But jack thought wrong, and the granny had a baby
And the baby looked a lot like jack indeed
Jack left home, for a younger Venezuelan
Who made a lot of showings, except in jack’s bed
Had old jack been henry the eighth
Then maybe anne boleyn just might have kept her head
It ain’t no thing if your plate is full
So why not send jack to culinary school
Jack can’t count, but his son was an accountant
Who counted on being named the heir to jack’s throne
But he lost out to his younger brother
Who couldn’t count either had the elder only known
Jack can’t stand the drive to his kitchen
So he ordered it moved into his backyard
Now jack can’t stand the noise and the bitchin'
Cuz it’s near, ain’t life hard
Jack only has a name for his diner
And wouldn’t you know it, it’s after himself
Jack only has a model for his diner
Next to the urn on his living room shelf
Now honest abe has a key to the city
And hungry old jack has a lot of self pity