Vessel

See I’ve been ducking & dodging internal honesty
Serving agendas of foreign colonies
Avoiding fulfilling my own prophecy
Turning distractions into an odyssey
Because I guess I’m feeling scared of the truth
Or I’m scared of the future
Can’t determine the difference
Just determined to be who you see that’s making a difference
Because you made me feel something… that I want the whole world to
And I’m not sure if they deserve that
And I’m possibly flawed in my ideologies
I keep you here to observe that
When I reserve my emotions
I’m putting yours at the front, see
Not compromising, but I’m contradicting
So pardon me if you don’t know me & I’m condescending
The con artists survive of baiting and complimenting
I’m sick of waiting & making this shit a competition
Cause all I wanna do is make em feel right
Even if the situation doesn’t feel right
Voices tellin' me to do what feels right
I can’t explain unfulfillment or what that feels like
Just know that isn’t what I wanna feel like
Anymore
But who gives a fuck bout what I feel anyways?
If they did I feel like so many decisions change
But the course is simple, sitting in ink
The cartographer slit his wrist & let it spill in the sink, dead
And all my tears dried out last night
I wish that I could cry for him
Maybe even wishing I could die for him
And when the verses turn into a call for help will you turn away or will you
still ride for him?
We tend to dance to the pain of every poet
When we can save them from themselves, we rarely even know it
Til it’s too late
Til we put them on a pedestal
And then they jump because the pressure is expectable
We turn destruction into something of a spectacle
The frustration is nothing short of ineffable
And any empathy after death just makes me skeptical
So send your feelings out to the nearest receptacle
The transparency is intentional
We reach for contact and then become inaccessible
See this is everything opposite of conventional
Staring at the dash on my mac & building confessionals
Cause we been breaking bad but we ain’t breaking benjamins
The skeletons inside of my closet becoming citizens
Ghosts of my memories haunting my mental images
Inhale the spliff, I’m a masochist for carcinogens
Still gotta wake up and deal with these fucking simpletons
Pleading my case against every single privilege
Searching for whatever’s left of my innocence