The Saga of Freddie & Sam

When just a boy young Sammy loved to build those model airplanes
He was sticking things together while his friends were sniffing glue
The tiny little decals with the stars and stripes and eagles
Made him proud and made him loyal t the red, the white, and blue
The years went by and Sammy’s hobby turned into his future
Making decals, signs and stickers, all occasions, COD
No Smoking, Use The Other Door, American Express Cards
Were the biggest selling signs he has at Sammy’s Signery
Looking at his books one day though Sam grew apprehensive
He hadn’t thought of planning obsolescence in his signs
So when stickers didn’t wear out and production grew expensive
Sam was standing on the Unemployment Line
But the man had grown accustomed to the finer things in life, though
And unemployment checks just didn’t seem quite fair
So Sam took off for Holland with his signs because he heard
That they had many empty windows over there
He settled into Amsterdam, he scoured the city streets
Counting billboards, riding buses, taking trains
But he was sitting in a bar when night when Sammy got his answer
As he stared into his beer and wracked his brains
He said «I've got it, all this time I had it right here in my hands
I’ll be given more than I could ever earn»
And so he kidnapped Freddie Heineken, twelve million was the ransom
And the note said «No Deposit, No Return»
The CIA got wind of Sam’s extraordinary dealings
So they sent a mole to Holland to negotiate the hands
The White House feared the incident would injure global feelings
After Sam relayed a list of his demands
He said «For all these actions I must have a Presidential Pardon
Safe transport and asylum in the Bronx
And I demand that money from the military budget
Be turned over into jobs or Freddie conks»
So the Senate and the House of Reps agreed to Sammy’s wishes
And they passed a bill to get the jobs and cash
Establishing an agency to beautify the slums
By putting decals over windows that were smashed
So when you’re driving in your car through urban blighted ghettos
And you notice curtains, lamps and scenery
You can thank your politicians for the image of renewal
But it’s only Sammy’s decals that you’ll see