The Laughing Gnome

I was walking down the high street
When I heard footsteps behind me And there was a little old man (hello)
In scarlet and grey, shuffling away (laughter)
Well he trotted back to my house
And he sat beside the telly (oaah.)
With his tiny hands on his tummy
Chuckling away, laughing all day (laughter)
Oh, I ought to report you to the gnome office
(gnome office)
Yes
(hahahahaha)
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
«im a laughing gnome and you dont catch me»
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
«im a laughing gnome and you cant catch me»
Said the laughing gnome
Well I gave him roasted toadstools and a glass of dandelion wine (burp, pardon)
Then I put him on a train to eastbourne
Carried his bag and gave him a fag
(havent you got a light boy?)
«here, where do you come from? «(gnome-mans land, hahihihi)
«oh, really? «In the morning when I woke up He was sitting on the edge of my bed
With his brother whose name was fred
Hed bought him along to sing me a song
Right, lets hear it Here, whats that clicking noise?
(thats fred, hes a «metrognome», haha)
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
«im a laughing gnome and you dont catch me»
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
«im a laughing gnome and you cant catch me»
(own up, Im a gnome, aint I right, haha)
«havent you got an ome to go to? «(no, were gnomads)
«didnt they teach you to get your hair cut at school? you look like a rolling
gnome.»
(no, not at the london school of ecognomics)
Now theyre staying up the chimney
And were living on caviar and honey (hooray!)
Cause theyre earning me lots of money
Writing comedy prose for radio shows
Its the-er (what?)
Its the gnome service of course
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
«im a laughing gnome and you dont catch me»
Ha ha ha, oh, dear me
(ha ha ha, hee hee hee
«im a laughing gnome and you cant catch me»
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
«im a laughing gnome and you cant catch me»)
(one more time, yeah)