Half-Life

They call me Gordon Freeman
And up until this morning
I was an ordinary normal human
Eating and reading the ingredients on a box of cereals
Then heading off to the Office of Anomalous Materials
Realise I’m late so I’ll have to catch you later
Gotta catch a train to Black Mesa’s anti-mass chamber
Put on my hazmat in case the vat breaks ‘cause that’s dangerous
You’d have to evade the blast radius of a resonance cascade that’s
The last stage of —
Ah, ahh! It’s. .. it’s actually, it’s actually happening
Th-this is not good! This is — shit
Wake up in the chamber with a bad head
Everybody in the lab dead
I better had fled, this is dead rad
Get it? Dead rad, hit a headcrab
With a crowbar, I’m a lonestar
Yo, guard! Gotta go, but I’ll owe you a postcard
Oh darn! Life is so hard, with no halves
Let alone half, like a diet with low carbs
But I like it so far
Life now has a worth and a purpose
Find out what on earth is occurring
Wipe out any vermin that’s stirring
Fly now to the surface and hurrry
There’s a person that’s lurking, queer
Think I’ve seen him working here
Gee, man, I’m not really certain what he’s observing
But I’m going to persevere, though I’m mere-
Ly an engineer, I’ll end your career
G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Man (And!)
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Freeman (Who?)
G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Man (And!)
Damn, everybody’s after me
Guess that’s the way it has to be
From Black Ops to G-Man and all these dastardly
Bastard beings, masked marines
I’m blasting things with SPAS-12s
Then take a break to recharge my shield and grab health
Electric impulses convulse with the most violent sound
Sending houndeyes to the pound, firing rounds
Sliding round mines, if life has half a meaning, well I’ve found mine
Bouncing through the sky so high that I’m on cloud nine
Low gravity provides some downtime to hit the ground
I am bringing down giants as if they’re fricking houseflies
Hitch a ride inside a monorail car
Swinging off a tentacle like ahhhhhhhh!
I get in the ring with anybody, man, who’s on next?
I’ll wreck you, trekking from the land of Xen to Lambda Complex
Hang on one sec, I think I’ve got the wrong specs
That baby looks gargantuan, these lenses can’t be convex
Imagine the conception; that must have been some sex
Not to mention giving birth to it; how much can bums stretch?
But enough talk of proportions and awkward contortions
To pull the portal shut calls for the goriest abortion
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Freeman (And!)
G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-man (Who?)
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Freeman (And!)