Gunslinger

Listen up, brother
Got a little rhyme for you
But I gotta tell you
I ain’t no durn singer
I’m a gunslinger
Who’s a better gunslinger?
That’s a humdinger
Blood blister on my one finger from triggers
And I don’t hunt deer
So chump, here’s something I’d like to advise
Better run for your life if you’d like to survive in the frontier
It’s like you drunk beer, brain ain’t configured
A word to the wise and your mind will become clear
Bright as the lights on the rides of a fun fair
So come bring your Jesse James and Billy the Kid
I’ll make a mess of their brains and fill 'em with lead
And I will until every damn villain is dead
Then I’m bringin' the sheriff a bag full of their heads
Handlin' any man that is plannin' to stand in my path
Because I’m heavy-handed with every bandit I wrangle with
And we’re in a century that hasn’t any ambulances
So best pack your best brandy and bandages
When I’m rat-a-tat-tattin' on my gatling guns
The blast attacks faster than my battlin' puns
A LeMat in my one hand and another in my other
So get runnin' for cover, you would you rather be buggered?
Shots, I’m lickin' off like the sugar on my cherry strudel
I’m quick on the draw, call me Mary Doodles
I’m gettin' reward money to bury people
And as a result, I never need to be very frugal
'Less you want your tooth pulled, pay the dentist
I break rackets as if it’s an angry game of tennis
Don’t hate the player, no, hate the business
I make a livin' from wanted posters: Jay McGuiness
Forget a hook
I ain’t no durn singer
Brother, look
I’m just a gunslinger
So forget a hook
I ain’t no durn singer
Brother, look
I’m just gonna get some dynamite and then I’ll light my pipe
And when the timing’s right, I’ll set the skies alight
Kind of like Juarez calls for Silas Greaves
To make you fall like a pile of leaves
Shootin' line after line after line of thieves
And I’ve touched more gold than a miner’s sleeves
When I wield dual revolvers, you’ll feel the coldness
Once in a blue moon, I’m using my holsters
Shootin' my Colt, I’m too skilled to falter
Is it any wonder saloons here are closed?
When you bring a whole platoon filled with soldiers
I barbecue fools, a new meal for vultures
High noon, we’re overdue for elevenses
I left the saloon, it was strewn with your severed limbs
Bringin' just a shoe to a shootout
To kick your booty so brutally, you’ll never get my boot out
Forget a hook
I ain’t no durn singer
Brother, look
I’m just a gunslinger
So forget a hook
I ain’t no durn singer
Brother, look
I’m just a gunslinger
I’m just a mean-ass gunslinger
And I guess that’s all I’ll ever be
But lemme tell you
That’s all I ever wanna be
A mean-ass gunslinger, pardner
Beg your pardon, ma’am