Gangstas Cry

So many memories I don’t understand
They got me weak in my knees like I don’t wanna stand
I try to snap back like a rubber band
But flashbacks got another plan to bury this rap cat under land
My closest aunt fell victim to a madman
He raped her, he stabbed her, he threw her in a trash can
In Tulsa Oklahoma, the home of the Gap Band
They buried Charlene Boomie, my biggest rap fan
I can’t express how I missed the time I spent with you
God, why did he have to kill my mama’s twin sister?
Nigga you lucky cops sent you to jail
Cause I was coming to send you to hell after my chopper’s wing split you
I was just a shorty when my cousin Bobby died
A star running back for Long Beach’s Poly High
His best friend and his wife set off the drama right
He caught them in bed which led to his homicide
Right on his deathbed prepared to die
He wrote a song for his wife, the title: «That's Not a Fair Goodbye»
Cause goddamn that’s not a fair goodbye
Young or not, guns I would have popped for you, where was I?
I can’t forget my aunt Zeb, it’s your neph
Since you left I’ve been missing you and I will until my last breath
Why did so many loved ones have to meet a fast death?
They wanted me to succeed, how can I half step? Huh?
(Look up in the sky, tears in my eyes
It’s hard to say goodbye, even gangstas cry)
I’m in a dark room talking to pictures
Too many loved ones lost and I miss you, god knows that I miss you
(And even though I’m strong, now that you’re gone
It’s hard to carry on, even gangstas cry)
Late at night I get lost in the scriptures
Wish I could dig off in your coffin and get you, I miss you
I put my pain on paper, there’s nothing else I can do to remove it
My music is therapeutic, if I don’t use it I lose it
It’s so easy to pick up liquor and abuse it
When life is confusing, you want a way that you need to view shit
I look at my gun and think of my buddies leaking bloody
Cause this is the same demon that took my people from me
A lot of my homies was killed over illegal money
I lost so many to banging that it ain’t even funny
There’s Cookie, there’s Raymond, there’s Charles, too many to name
It’s solemn and shame, it’s pain in memories lane
It’s a shame when obituaries stack thicker than dictionaries
I question is my mind is mentally sane
My uncle Leroy is gone, God let him in
He was more of a father figure than his brother ever been
Look at my brain, it’s like the head of a veteran
I fight more pain than Excedrin medicine ever did
I can’t sleep, my nightmares are coming unannounced
I dream about people I love cause I’m running out
It’s rap lyrics, my therapy they don’t wanna bounce
It’s trapped spirits, I’m thinking my mind is a haunted house
Sometimes I pray to the creator till my knees hurt
I need work, my granny used to say I need church
This is for my people beneath dirt
We making songs, getting tattoos and rocking rest in peace t-shirts
Look up in, no, gangstas cry, woah-oh
And even though I’m strong, it’s hard to carry on, no-oh