X-M@$

Ho Ho Ho Ho!
There aint nothing more depressing than a pine tree
Gussied up candy canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
Its Merry Christmas seeping through my walls
Now Im no wiccan commie or nothing
But theres one damn holiday that I cant stand
It aint Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
But itll surely make a fool out of every man
HA
If I aint drunk then it aint Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I aint hammered it aint hanukkah
And all you motherfuckers go to hell
If I aint cockeyed then it Kwanzaa
Joy to the world and jack and coke
If I aint drunk then it aint Christmas
Cause I never anything but broke
Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are f*cking infantile
I think we collectively as the people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world:
Lets buy some piece and quiet for a change
Before we spend it all on f*cking toys
HA
So if I aint drunk then it aint Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I aint hammered it aint hanukkah
Fa la la la la go f*ck yourself!
If I aint cockeyed it aint Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of getting stoned
If I aint drunk then it aint Christmas
So leave this god damn scrooge the f*ck alone
HA
Merry F*ckin' Christmas!