If Shania Was Mine

Excuse me
This is what Cledus T. wants
If Shania was mine, wouldn’t be proud of me
Couldn’t hardly blame her 'cuz I’m so darned ugly
But on our first date we could have a good time
If I got her on the moonshine
If Shania was mine say it fit just right
Though my polyester suit was just a little too tight
And there’s no way I’d have a bad hair day
'Cuz I’d buy a new toupee
Oh, I’d love to seduce her
But she married her producer
Now all I do is pray, pray, pray
She’ll get a divorce someday
If Shania was mine
I’d probably lose my mind
If she only squeezed me, teased me
Pleased me one good time
And if she only knew all the things I’d do
I’d be the lawn mowin', crop growin'
Tater peelin', house cleanin' kind
If Shania was mine
Well, if Shania was mine she’d have to agree
Can’t no one cook road kill better than me
Add a dozen mountain oysters and some old fatback
She’d say, «Mmm, I like it like that, cha»
Now all I do is wonder
Whose bed have her boots been under
I wish she’d had been mine
Now I whine, whine that girl is so doggone fine
If Shania was mine
I think I’d go slap blind
Starin' at her yummy little tummy
And her booty shakin' round behind
And if she only knew all the things I’d do
I’d be the lawn mowin', crop growin'
Tater peelin' house cleanin' kind
If Shania, if Shania, if Shania, if Shania, if Shania
Now was that Mutt Lange or Dwight Yoakam?
Excuse me
When she shimmies and shakes it’s more than I can take
Oh, what she does to me in them videos
Wife’s gonna leave me if I don’t explain
What I see in Shania Twain
I’d love to see her in a magazine
Centerfold if you know what I mean
Oh me a oh my a I wish that Shania
Would buy me a house in South Carolina
Two, four, six, eight, nine
Oh, I wish that Shania was mine
Want to be a gal of mine