My Boba Manifesto

If I don’t have Boba tea every single day by three
Then I feel like I might do something bad
«What's a Boba tea?»
It’s a bubble tea that if you hit it hard enough
All you hear is the Trolls soundtrack all at once
«Chris, hasn’t it been outlawed by many governments
Because it can’t be digested by the human body?»
I’m sorry, I can’t seem to hear you
«Chris, if you have Boba everyday
Where do you keep all your woba weight?»
Excellent question
On the coasts
When you talk to me in the morning
I talk like the owner of a wolf sanctuary
But after Boba I talk like the owner
Of a boutique children’s clothing store
My friend Matt said
«Isn't Boba more of a treat than an everyday thing?»
And now Matt’s number is no longer saved in my phone
This is my Boba manifesto
I’m gonna have bubble tea everyday
Until I’m seventy
And if you try to stop me
Then I’ll delete you from my contacts
This is his Boba manifesto
He’s gonna have bubble tea everyday
Until he’s seventy
And if you try to stop him
Then he’ll delete you from his phone I guess
And now I’d like to turn your attention to the Boba Boys
(Who are the Boba Boys?)
They’re the Boba Brothers who own the Boba shop
And they wait for me peeking over the counter
Even if there’s a line
When I see them they ask me stuff like
«Chris, where did you get your sunglasses?
I want them for my wife»
«Chris, we recently found your comedy online
You have a unique sense of humor!»
Thanks, I’m finding myself
To be quite popular among women who own lizards
«Chris, is this your Vespa?» Yes, that’s my pig
«Where did you get your pig?» I went to the Vespa dealership
And I said, «Can you take this in the freeway?» and they said
«You can but, you should not»
Within ten seconds of knowing me
They knew that I would be reunited with my ancestors instantly
If i took that Vespa on the highway
My day would be shit without the Boba Boys
My day would be an absolute Gen X-er selfie
Without the Boba Brothers
Even though I’m storing weight
In San Diego and Tampa
This is my boba manifesto
I’m gonna have bubble tea everyday
Until I’m seventy
And if you try to stop me
Then I’ll delete you from my contacts
This is his boba manifesto
He’s gonna have bubble tea everyday
Until he’s seventy
And if you try to stop him
Then he’ll delete you from his phone I guess