Waking Up

Our relationship is NA — not applicable
Cos we were fucked way before this ever got physical
That’s not literal, it’s just a play on words
If you don’t understand that, you can vanish at the interval
Moments of my life, when I was getting low or feeling high
Regretting those is set in stone and now I can’t forget the lines
Reading between them, on a study of a new existence
I’m forced to face this bed I’ve made and lay awake resisting
It went from sex, lies, videotape
To attempted suicides and using just to escape
Now I’m sick of being miserable, I’ve given all to live as nothing
Through guilty memories that render me as just disgusting
My promises peter out before they pop off
I swear to god I’m lying to myself that I am not lost
But it’s plain to see — I’m so jacked
Locked in battle, fighting back against these panic attacks
Waking up is harder than it seems
Wandering through these empty rooms of dusty books and quiet dreams
Pictures on the mantle, speak your name
Softly like forgotten tunes, just outside the sound of pain
And now I’m a liability
Cos' I’m always trying to find a way of copping but this murder scene is
killing me
So get the chalk ready, I can’t keep my thoughts steady
The voices in my head ain’t saying nothing but they talk plenty
I can’t do this anymore — I’m fucked
Consumed by a monsoon of pure disgust
Between the raw uncut and the whiskey
It’s stripped me, of everything I was — people round me say they miss me
So, I do another one, another one, another
Until this bright mind is drained of any colour
Just keep racking lines, never mind racking nerves
Disassociated paranoia — it’s getting worse
There’s nothing left, except guilt and shame
And feeling like reality is never gonna feel the same
I’m falling down and that’s the bottom line
Waking up is hard with no alarm, I’ll never know if I can stop in time
Waking up is harder than it seems
Wandering through these empty rooms of dusty books and quiet dreams
Pictures on the mantle, speak your name
Softly like forgotten tunes, just outside the sound of pain
Change will come to those who have no fear
But I’m not now or ever were the type who kept a rule book near
What I said was never what I meant
Now you see my world in flames, my shadow songs, my deep regret
After another relapse, I seem damned to this existence
Believing that I’m walking the path of least resistance
Persistence only made my thinking sink deeper
Into the abyss, an overdose and a seizure
Waking up is harder than it seems
Wandering through these empty rooms of dusty books and quiet dreams
Pictures on the mantle, speak your name
Softly like forgotten tunes, just outside the sound of pain