Jackass in a Can

Well, another party for the fancy folk that get to bathe once a month.
Oh, that reminds me: Did you hear about the knight that got off his high horse?
No
Me neither!
Knights suck
They’re not all that bad are they?
Sure, they are
Worse even
Your average knight in armor, he’s utterly the pits
His ego’s so humungous, his helmet barely fits
He wears two tons of padding and thinks he’s quite the man
He’s nothing but a jackass in a fancy metal can
A jackass in a can
There’s nothing worser than
Some high and mighty jackass in a can
(All spit in their cups)
(spoken)
My master hasn’t had a sip of his port without my spit in it in years.
I got him cravin' it now. I gave him two months without it, he said it didn’t
taste right
So, what about your knight? Is he as bad as ours?
Uh, yeah, sure
There’s all that fame and glory
The smell, though? Not so great
And then those big, long lances
Yeah, to overcompensate
The glamor and swagger
Yeah, I’m not really a fan
He’s quite--
A major dillweed?
In a fancy metal can
A dillweed in a can
There’s nothing lamer than
A condescending dillweed in a can
And who does all the planning
Yeah, and who does all the work
True
Who gets no vacation
Not one pay raise, not one perk
Good point
Whose third rate insurance comes without a dental plan
Your average, humble squire
And not the meathead in the can
That jerkface in a can
There’s nothing sadder than
Some over muscled, chauvinistic
Self indulgent, egotistic
Stingy, prissy, narcississy
Jackass in a can!
Oh, my God. That’s me