Padraic My Prince

I had a brother once
He drowned in a bathtub
Before he’d ever learned
How to talk
And I don’t know
What his name was
But my mother does
I heard her say it once:
Padraic, my prince, I have all but died
From the sheer weight of my shame
You cried but no one came
And the water filled your tiny lungs
Appear, my dear, and cry for me
It was six years ago today
That I laid you in your grave
Your sweet young skin was shining then too
So tonight to celebrate
I will
I will poison myself
Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom
That is spinning
And I close the door
And I rest my head on the tile floor
Sickness and sleep turning me cold
And I’m still not sure
Is there some better place I could be heading towards?
Where the selfishly sick and self-absorbed
Are welcome
I saw the future once, I was drunk
In a phone booth
My eyes were wet and red
But I could not tell what was said
And through the screams of the traffic
Voices carried, saying, «I'm sorry…»
On a day so gray it’s black inside
Watching churches on TV
In a coma, you don’t dream
You just hope that someone sits with you
Babies turn blue when they’re ignored
Like the sky on summer days
Before you turn and walk away
It has changed you
So tonight to compensate
I will
I will poison myself
Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom
That is spinning