The Electric Fan

It’s the warmest days we’ve had I think. Oh, Bert. Hey, Bert.
If you don’t mind if I turn on my
electric fan to cool off, Do you? Bert?
Bert: Uh, Ernie. I’m busy here.
Ernie: Oh Bert’s busy. He’s writing a letter, I won’t bother Bert.
(Louder) I won’t bother you, Bert! It’s okay! (Bert looks up, sighs,
and continues writing) I’ll just get the electric fan and turn on
some cool air. (Gets the fan and turns it on) Oh, there,
that’s better. (Pause) If some cool air feels good,
If I turn on the fan more, it would feel cooler I bet.
(Turns it on higher;
it’s starting to get really breezy now!) Oh,
the more air this fan blows, the cooler I feel.
Bert: Hey, Ernie. I’m trying to write some letters. Huh?
Ernie: I think if I turned this fan on all the way,
it’ll get really cool! (Does so,
and papers start blowing around everywhere.) Oh, wow!
That’s some best cool air I’ve ever
felt! Woah! Dosen’t that feel good!
Bert: Ernie! The fan! Turn it off!
Ernie: What, Bert?
Bert: Turn the fan off!
Ernie: I can’t hear you, Bert!
Bert: I said, TURN THE FAN OFF!
Ernie: TURN THE FAN OFF?
Bert: TURN THE FAN OFF!
Ernie: Oh, okay. (Turns it off) There we go. Woah!
Didn’t that feel good, Bert! Huh? What’s the matter, Bert?
Bert: Ernie…
Ernie: Yes, Bert?
Bert: Right here…
Ernie: Yes, Bert?
Bert: Ernie…
Ernie: Mmm hmm?
Bert: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I AM SITTING HERE QUIETLY,
TRYING TO WRITE A LETTER,
AND ALL YOU DO IS BOTHER ME WITH THAT
FAN! I AM SO HOT AND BOTHERED RIGHT NOW!
Ernie: What? Bert? Wait, wait wait!
Wait, Bert! You’re hot and bothered?
Bert: YES, I’M HOT AND BOTHERED!
Ernie: Oh, I have just what you need
for someone who’s hot and bothered, Bert.
Bert: Oh, what?
Ernie: Cool air, Bert! There we go, Bert! There!
Didn’t that feel better, Bert! Oh wow!
(Turns the fan on all the way.
Papers blow around, and Bert starts yelling.)
(Fade out)