Adelaide's Lament

ADELAIDE
It says here:
The average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration may react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract
In other words
Just from waiting around for that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold
You can spray her wherever you figure the streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot for whatever’s she’s got, but it just won’t work
If she’s tired of getting the fish eye from the hotel clerk
A person can develop a cold
It says here:
The female remaining single
Just in the legal sense
Shows a neurotic tendency, see note
Chronic organic symptoms
Toxic or hypertense
Involving the eye, the ear, the nose, and throat
In other words
Just from worrying if the wedding is on or off
A person can develop a cough
You can feed her all day with the vitamin A and the Bromo Fizz
But the medicine never gets anywhere near where the trouble is If she’s getting a kind of name for herself and the name ain’t his
A person can develop a cough
And furthermore
Just from stalling, and stalling, and stalling the wedding trip
A person can develop la grippe
When they get on the train for Niagara
And she can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Saratoga for the fourteenth time!
A person can develop la grippe, la grippe
La post nasal drip
With the wheezes
And the sneezes
And a sinus that’s really a pip!
From a lack of community property
And a feeling she’s getting too old
A person can develop a bad, bad cold!