The Doctor Is In

I’m not very handsome or clever, or lucid
I’ve always been stupid at spelling and numbers
I’ve never been much playing football or baseball
Or stickball or checkers or marbles or ping pong
I’m usually awful at parties and dances
I stand like a stick or I cough, or I laugh
Or I don’t bring a present, or I spill the ice cream
Or I get so depressed that I stand and I scream
Oh, how could there possibly be
One small person as thoroughly, totally, utterly
Blah as me
Well, that’s okay for a starter
A starter?
Certainly. You don’t think that mentioning these few superficial failings is
going to do you any good, do you? Why, Charlie Brown, you really have to delve
(sung)
You’re stupid, self-centered and moody
I’m moody
You’re terribly dull to be with
Yes I am
And nobody likes me—not Frieda, or Shermy, or Linus, or Schroeder—
Or Lucy
Or Lucy
Or Snoopy
Or Sn—
(spoken)
Wait a minute. Snoopy likes me
He only pretends to like you because you feed him. That doesn’t count
Or Snoopy
Oh why? Was I born just to be
One small person as thoroughly, totally, utterly—
Wait!
You’re not very much of a person
That’s certain
And yet there’s a reason for hope
There’s hope?
For although you are no good at music like Schroeder
Or happy like Snoopy
Or lovely like me
You have the distinction to be
No one else but the singular, remarkable, unique Charlie Brown
I’m me!
Yes! It’s amazingly true
For whatever it’s worth, Charlie Brown
You’re you
Gosh, Lucy you know something. I’m beginning to feel better already.
You’re a true friend, Lucy, a true friend
That’ll be five cents, please