Picking Up

Oh God, Dear God
Help me, help me
Cause I’m so flawed, so flawed
I’ve dealt me a whole lot
Of stress from some bad decisions
A whole lot more from my ambition
I strategize and attack the prize
I fantasize then I grab my life
I make plans but I’ve never known
I’ve never known what to do
Epiphanies, passion, and planning but never had a clue
Plus she said she needed something new
Words that cut me deep
She didn’t see my awkward faces
But it brought me to my knees
Really needed conversation
Best believe my heart was racing
Then retreated, sinking into
Depths of grief and condemnation
Never Peach, I always treat them
Like they need a lot of saving
When they always rescue me
Now here I am just wishing I could hear the breath she breathes
Writing winter songs
Not sure how to move along
To reach a healthy me
The other day I thought about giving up
But I just told mom things were picking up
My father said
Told me I should live it up
With a purpose. Now things are picking up
I used to have
Ambitions I didn’t trust
Then I listened
Now things are picking up
Momma you should know
Progress I can’t get enough
See me now, ma, everything’s picking up
This is what I’ve let in my brain
Going after things I once thought I’d never attain
But I threw those thoughts over the rails like Vader tossed Palpatine
I don’t have time to be dismayed, lost, doubting dreams
All the things
I used to do. Was using you as my excuse
Need more security if we were going to be the truth
Blaming you for my decisions. That logic was pretty loose
Couldn’t get my head on straight without sending you through the roof
Now I’m squashing feelings trying to meet connect and network
Though my net worth is still below par, I’ll reinvest first
Now these conversations are starting to bring me checks
Used to feel salty seeing Facebook homies glean respect
They were touring getting crowds in the thousands
I was in a bar watching locals straight styling
They were signing deals, all their dreams becoming real
They were building
Now I’m in the same boat, working towards fulfillment
The other day I thought about giving up
But I just told mom things were picking up
My father said
Told me I should live it up
With a purpose. Now things are picking up
I used to have
Ambitions I didn’t trust
Then I listened
Now things are picking up
Momma you should know
Progress I can’t get enough
See me now, ma, everything’s picking up
They grab me for shows and you know I snap at every party
Hungry in the game Bout to go Katniss on everybody
Yeah
That means I rebel against the paradigm
Yeah
Never been concerned about a pair of dimes
Yeah
Too busy on the move things are picking up
Yeah
Praise God. Pops keeps me lifted up
Yeah
Peep game. I can never give it up
Yeah
Growth and progression I can’t get enough
Yeah
The other day I thought about giving up
But I just told mom things were picking up
My father said
Told me I should live it up
With a purpose. Now things are picking up
I used to have
Ambitions I didn’t trust
Then I listened
Now things are picking up
Momma you should know
Progress I can’t get enough
See me now, ma, everything’s picking up