Vivid and Alive

I know it’s taking me forever
To just give up
But I am so far below that it is hard
To just push stop
If only I could count the times
My body gave up
Maybe I would understand
I wish, I felt vivid and alive
Blowing up big holes in the sky
It’s so easy for you to erase
What I create in this blurry haze
The mask I polish every evening
By the morning looks like shit
And my head is a wreck
There’s no question about it