You Only Want Me 'Cause You Want My Sister

You pulled up at the house at half past seven
In your ‘69 Impala, shook hands with my father
And we stopped off at the drug store by the drive-in
For some Trojans and a six-pack
Still, your eyes kept wandering back to her
It’s always her
So let’s get one thing straightened out here, sir
If you think you’re seeing double
Let me save you some trouble
This ain’t no two-for-one bargain here, mister
‘Cause I’m much more than just twice shy
I’ve had enough two-timing guys
Who only want me ‘cause they want my sister
My eyes are just as blue as hers, my hair is just as fine
And the tattoo on her lower back’s exactly just like mine
But if you look beneath the surface
We’re as different as can be
‘Cause there’s just one heart that beats for you
And that heart belongs to me
And not to her
It’s always her
So let’s get one thing straight if I’m your girl
If you think you’re seeing double
Let me save you some trouble
This ain’t no two-for-one bargain here, mister
‘Cause I’m much more than just twice shy
I’ve had enough two-timing guys
Who only want me ‘cause they want my sister
And if tomorrow you should die
My sister would not bat an eye
She doesn’t even know your name
She’s going with some other guy
As long as she is still around
I’ll always have a trace of doubt
I need to know your love is real, but how?
We’re all dressed up, the flowers sure are pretty
Mother pays her last respects
I look around, no one suspects
That it was me who put the Drano in her coffee
And now that she is underground
I’ll know that you’re not hanging ‘round
For her no
Not for her
And now I’ll know your love is true for sure
If you think you’re seeing double
Let me save you some trouble
This ain’t no two-for-one bargain here, mister
‘Cause I’m much more than just twice shy
I’ve had enough two-timing guys
Who only want me ‘cause they want my sister
It pains my heart to think of her
A rotting, stinking, maggot-infested
Bloated, and pus-oozing corpse beneath the earth
You can’t imagine just how much I miss her
But now I know you want me, not my sister