Hero: Heimlich

We’re in a nice family restaurant
Somebody’s grandma’s choking On a lamb chop
There’s panic in the air As Nana’s face turns blue
The busboy screams in Spanish «What the fuck do we do?»
We need a hero who’s gonna do it
We need a hero To clean out her windpipe
We need a hero Who’s down with Heimlich
We need a hero to save the day, yeah
So I slap my napkin down on the table
And I get a fucking standing ovation
Another guy gets up And says he’s a doctor
I say, «Sit the fuck down I got this shit»
Then I wrap my arms Around Grandma’s chest
And I look her grandkids Deep in the eyes
Then right away…
Then right away I break all her ribs
Because I don’t know what I’m doing
Grandma!
What the fuck was that? After every joke…